There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
