shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
