vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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