Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
