There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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