I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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