Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

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(360): View more from Washington

Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'

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(708): View more from Illinois

what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

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(313): View more from Michigan

They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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(406): View more from Montana

we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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(434): View more from Virginia

I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.

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(772): View more from Florida

I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.

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