i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
