Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
