maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
