You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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