i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
