I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
