is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
