Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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