If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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