he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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