the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
me + whiskey = a bad person
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
