Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize