I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
