Cold hands, warm shart.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
