Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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