what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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