I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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