the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
