I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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