I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
