I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
