This is not my ceiling
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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