Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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