I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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