Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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