All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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