does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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