Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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