Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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