Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
