another moral hangover. fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
