please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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