Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
