She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
