a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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