So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
