why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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