Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
