super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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