She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
