Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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