fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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