2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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