She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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