I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
