I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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