I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
