I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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