I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
