Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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