he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
