If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
