Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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